When i raised my hand to come out to this desert land i figured it wouldn't be all that hard to accomplish. 6 months i thought, 'I got this!' In fact it hasn't terrible but i am definitely starting to miss things that are starting to weigh on my shoulders. I am definitely a very easy person to please ill eat just about anything and treat it like it was my favorite food. I can hang with just about anyone and have a good time. Till now i have never really faced such displeasure in my current situation. Don't get me wrong i am actually glad i am out here because it is really going to help me with my career and the experience is something that nothing in the world can compare too. The one thing i have always wanted in my life is a family and being out here is putting a kink in that want. Not a super tight one as once i get back i will be able to just take it out of my life stream. It is currently holding up the process that was flowing pretty well. As well as the whole 'family' perspective being on hold right now, so are the things you have to do to start the family... if you know what i mean. That has been very tough as well. When my mind is left to wonder like 95% of the time i start thinking about my wife back home and wonder what she is up too. If she is doing okay. I get to talk to her quite a bit and even though she laughs and we have fun on the phone and she seems happy, is she? I know she had a hard time when i left and i think that is mostly because she really didn't have a whole lot going. Now she is busy busy and keeping herself moving around which is definitely helping her keep active and her mind off of things I'm sure. With that I'm working nights now so i am less busy and i have way to much time to think. Pretty much why i wanted to start this blog to talk about all this shit I think about when I sit around doing a whole lot of nothing. I really wanted to ask a lot of questions too.. but i really don't know what to ask. Some of my posts have questions in them. I guess i was hoping for more comments as well to help drive my blog a little as i could answer things that people commented on. Anyone who reads this ever been though a similar situation? Spending an extended time away from family? How did you feel about it? How crazy did it drive you to think about your family back home?

Good and Evil

  Being out here is rough but it is even rougher to not be with my family. Time just seems to pass as it goes. The fact that there is no actual cohesion amongst the whole group makes it really hard to work together. Everyone is split into their different MOS's doing their own thing. Everyone also thinks that because certain things aren’t there job that they shouldn’t have to do them. Out here I have the same perception that I had in boot camp. I expected a group of grown men instead I am still stuck with a load of 5 year olds. At what point do people start to grow up? Why are people so full of themselves all the time? Was there ever a point in time when people didn’t feel so entitled and they simply did because they were asked to do something? I think this is why the military is starting to fall apart. We are starting to relay on other people instead of ourselves. We should be able to find people that want to fill these positions and fill them accordingly. If you can’t find people willing to do the work then you will have to find the ones who need the extra work to help build the comerodery. Granted at this time we don’t really all have a common enemy. American is trying so hard to be on everyone’s side. Stand strong and murder those who oppose us is how it should be. Nice guys always finish last... always. Can’t be a nice guy anymore have to start being an asshole, without being terrible of course.

  As a leader being an asshole isn’t all bad. of course you don’t want to piss people off but our want to give them something to hate together. Mankind at its core has to hate something or someone all together. In that they have a way to release how they feel together in a passionate way and can fight together. As a Lance amongst other Lances it’s hard to be the hated one and make it count, when I get back it will be easier to accomplish that task though. I have always been the lone wolf. I hate everyone! It’s Strange because with that exact thought in mind I always find something to like in everyone. Where does that come from, should I express those hates in forms of critics to let people know what I think they should do to improve themselves and be better people. Who am I to say that though? Can I really read a person in that way? Is my advice for the better of am I just trying to make more little me's. Is this the true reason behind why I want kids so bad and that I want to be a drill instructor? Is this the true reason behind why I want kids so bad and that I want to start pushing my attitude off on others and in my eyes build a better world one being at a time. Is this a healthy way to think? I mean Hitler had to have thought in a similar fashion. I don’t want people to die... but some will.... that’s just how the world works, right?

  In order for good to prevail evil has to die. Without evil there can’t be good. without the opposite of something the thing cannot exist. With this new idea, should I then be evil so that I may create well. Many will oppose me and when they do they become good. Do those who join me then also want to create good as well or are they just simply evil or are they good but just on a different team. Is there really such thing as good and evil? If both sides can be good and evil at the same time then everyone should be neutral. Good and Evil simply becomes a tool to recruit people to our side of any fight. Once on your side they will then do and speak the same. The Marine Corps teaches the good in everyone, does it ever make us evil though, do the Marine Corps teach us what to hate? Or do we come preprogrammed to what is Good and Evil? Say we are preprogrammed who programs us to lie or hate certain things? What makes people sometimes very passionate? Is religion the heart of this process and does it poison people or does it indeed better them? Does good and evil then exist and because it does we are doomed? Everyone has to hate something, now a day’s do we just choose to hate each other? Has this always been an issue? Is this the fault of overcrowding and lack of real community values? What if only certain types of people were allowed to live in certain places? Would the world be better or worse? These people could create communities and have friends that turn into family and all will get along. Granted some will still not hate each other over small stuff but still be fine. What if everyone just left everyone alone? would we be able to survive that way? As a very large communities just simply help those in need. would people stave or would we thrive? What if money wasn’t a thing? What if everyone did simply because they were asked? What if?